Every phase has its own ebb and flow. When you look back, every memory brings either a smile or a tear. Those emotions linked with the memories, and some wounds that never cure… I am still not quite sure as to what I am supposed to write. A married friend told me once,”Mom is Mom. Mother-in-law is mother-in-law. However you try, Mother-in-law can’t be Mom”. I had several reasons to argue that day. From time known I have heard my mom caring her in-laws the same as her own. I grew up seeing her take care of the family, subconsciously cultivating the art of managing the household, kids, relationships,profession,everything. I was close to my dad – we shared lot of interests in common, but my mom was my role model. The lady who was the example for an ideal wife, daughter and daughter-in-law.
So, in this post I can share few guidelines for all newly married or to-be-married girls so that you can either opt out marriage or be equipped for the life ahead (Note : this is purely based on few experiences of my friends and mine and this is NOT focusing on those daughter-in-laws who are just born to create issues in the family):
1. If you are planning to get married, either you learn patience or learn to lose your individuality. Individuality and In-laws are rarely in terms.
2. If you have the notion that marriage brings you a friend for life, another family to lean on, a sister born to another mother,etc… all I have to say is ROFL!!!
3. Never ever compare your past and present. The simple logic is, if you do, Anti depressants would be your lifelong partners.
4. Learn to appreciate yourself because no one else would.
5. Expectation. When it comes to expectations, follow the thumb rule – “Meet theirs and let go yours”
6. I modified a motto of some company I read long back – Your Husband is always right! Keep that always in mind. I have always found lot of funny posts where wives are portrayed as monsters who keep arguing and shut their husband’s mouth. Trust me,I have seen the reverse. If you aren’t equipped with it, you needn’t worry because eventually you will master the art of nodding “Yes”
7. A guy would have cooked or done his laundry for a maximum of 5 years, but when it comes to an arguement, It is always” I have done it, it isn’t tough”. Oh Please, try doing it for a family everyday and getting tears in return. (You definitely can’t say that, because the default reply would be “Who is asking you to?”,”You needn’t do it for me”,…) Be ready!
8. You are suppose to call and be involved in the family, taking care of the parents and others, even if the reverse doesn’t happen. I have heard most moms telling daughters,”That’s the new family, treat them as your own!”, Never seen the reverse with the guy. Yet another Irony of Indian culture.
9. Never expect others to understand what you are going through. There will be a stage you can’t depend on anyone. Not your family, not your friends… In those depressing days, try writing a blog 😉 Trust me, It helps!!!
10. Before opening up on any issue on how his attitude hurt you in a particular scenario, be ready to face the questions, “Why can’t you?,”Why don’t you?”,”Why shouldn’t you?”…This takes me to the 11th point.
11. There are 3 solutions to any problem – IGNORE, ADJUST, LET GO! Master this and your life will be golden
12. Last golden rule – Never act smarter than your in-laws, In-laws want smart girls only till the marriage is fixed. Be sure you are good enough to take care of their son, but pleaseeeee make sure you don’t exceed their standards. They don’t want u to be better than them – be in cooking, cleaning or anything for that matter.
Disclaimer : This is not stereotyping. This is for the vast majority who boasts that “Daughter-in-laws are daughters” JUST in words. I have seen great ones who have maintained wonderful relationship with their “Daughters” who would shoot their sons if they say a thing bad about them. Most girls are much pampered and have never been to the kitchen before marriage. They have embraced the family as their own and working their heart out to keep the family happy, but I rarely see the appreciation coming on the way. The basic attitude is – “What they are doing is their responsibility. We have done it. Its not a big deal”. It is a big deal! It is a big deal they are taking care of your son and family. It is a big deal they are doing all they can to keep everyone united and happy. It is a big deal they are sacrificing their happiness for you. It is a big deal they are doing things they hated just to see a smile on your face. It is a big deal that they have compromised on their passion and career. It is a big deal that they are sticking around inspite of all the hurtful things they have to undergo.